Angry at God, for possibly not existing?

I once posted about the intellectual mind f*** that newly minted skeptics go through - OJ can't be true, but it must be true, but it can't be true, but it must be true and so on, 24*7. After a while that abates, and you (probably) realize that a) it is highly unlikely to be true and b) apart from practical personal considerations (which may be huge) it doesn't actually matter very much.

However when it comes to God, I think it's a different story. I can accept that OJ isn't true, it doesn't even make much of a difference to my life. I'm fine being Orthoprax, and my community is LWMO anyway.

But if God doesn't exist then what's the point of anything? Sure, I'll still be a good person (actually I'll still be the exact same person I am now), but there doesn't seem much point to going the extra mile. Rather, I'll spend any additional energy on making the most out of this life. I guess there are some people for whom going the extra mile IS making the most out of this life. But me, not so much. On the other hand, if God does exist, then it seems reasonable to me that maybe things do matter in some ultimate way (afterlife please!), and so it's worth trying to be extra good. At least a little. Sometimes.

But trying to figure out whether God exists or not is a bit of a waste of time, since there's absolutely no evidence or credible arguments. Plus the whole concept is incomprehensible anyways. There are always arguments, but for a skeptic what it really boils down to is being open to believe, or not, which is really more about emotion than anything rational.

I think there are a number of options here:

1. Accept that God possibly might not exist, but maintain a type of Pascal's wager. Since He might exist, you should be good. Maybe not as good as you would be if you knew for sure that He exists, but good enough so that if it does turn out that He exists, you aren't in too much trouble. And while doing all that, make the most out of this life cos that's possibly (probably) all you're ever going to get. However, davening to a possibility is difficult.

2. Try and convince yourself (through whatever means possible) that God actually exists. Go to Aish seminars, Gateway Weekends, or hang out with inspirational God infused individuals. Whatever it takes to convince (brainwash) yourself. I'm sure it can be done. Just like that anti-homosexual therapy.

3. Convince yourself that God does not exist. Read Dawkins, Hitchens, or hang out with inspirational Atheists. This is probably easier than number 2.

4. Set aside the question of whether He exists or not, and throw yourself into secular ethics - the type that don't depend on a God to make you want to be good. I don't really understand how they work, but I guess they do, at least for some people. Maybe it's got something to do with the evolutionary driven motivation to be altruistic. (Or maybe as according to some misninformed skeptics, it's absolutely logical and rational to be altruistic - LOL).

5. Get angry at God for possibly not existing. Just like you got angry at the Chareidim when you realized that Moshe wasn't 20 feet tall. Or when you got angry at the MO when you realized that Orthodoxy is in fact NOT compatible with Modernity. Or when you got angry at Jacobs and Heschel because at the end of the day, there was absolutely no basis for their beliefs either.

6. Wait for a sign from God. After all, there are people who say they got a sign. It could be anything. And it doesn't have to be anything which would convince anyone else. I mean, I don't want to cause a massive problem in shifting the nekudas habechirah too much. But just a sign for me. Would that be too difficult? A lot of people have gotten signs. Even a near death experience (with full and immediate recovery) would be ok. As long as it contained one of those tremendous life altering type experiences. So you'll say God can't give signs. But why not? Let's say the sign only convinced the one person, and everyone else wasn't convinced for whatever reasons. What's wrong with that? So you'll say it takes away your bechirah. But so does indoctrinating your children from a young age. How is that ANY different? In fact, the ENTIRE point of our Chinuch system IS to take away our kid's bechirah when it comes to our fundamentalist beliefs. Really, I think that for a skeptic who has exhausted every avenue, a sign would be quite appropriate. Why wouldn't God give a sign to such a person? Could be He doesn't care if you believe in Him or not. Could be He doesn't actually exist. Or could be He's got some cheshbon. You can't question God. I guess you should be grateful you're alive, and not in the terminal ward or a concentration camp. And if you are in the terminal ward, as many of you eventually will be, well, I guess you'll worry about that then.

So which option will I take? I think I'll start with 6, and daven for a sign. If I get one, all well and good. If not, I'll try 4 (and probably 5 at the same time). If that don't work I'll go for 2, and when that fails I'll probably stick with 1. And then I'll repeat that cycle every few days ad meah ve'esrim (or bias Hamoshiach, whichever comes first), please God.