A complete waste of time

[What my previous post would have said had I not been writing nonsense out of pure frustration]

One of my Rabbis said something interesting last week - he said he only preaches to the choir, and is not interested in debating with people who don't share his premises. At first I thought he was wrong - surely the entire point of debating is davkah with people who exactly don't share your views. What's the point of preaching to the choir? Isn't that too self reinforcing?

But on reflection, debating with people who don't share my views does seem to be a bit pointless. Sure, I might turn a few folks my way, but (a) that was never really my plan anyway, and (b) it can just as easily turn people off. I have had a warning on my blog ever since its inception (see the right hand bar) but that's not enough. I need to "just do it" in ej's words, and not be bothered by the RW MO or any of the other groups I have been ranting and raving about. That's a destructive path which won't win me any friends.

At this point, everything I write is read by plenty of people who know me, either just my identity, or know me in real life. That really inhibits the things I can write about. Being anonymous at this point is almost completely pointless. I know I've said this all before so many times that people think it's just a ratings ploy, but it really isn't.

Besides the venting and the occasional entertainment post, my real objective is as its always been (at least ever since I went to the dark side) - to figure out an approach, a theology, a philosophy (or something) to make sense of this existence - and by "this existence" I don't just mean life in general, but the life of a person within a fundamentalist religion who can't just ignore academic research, science etc.

Some people in my situation do indeed get by by just ignoring science and modernity. Others get by by pretty much ignoring religion. Others lead bifurcated lives, or have some strange (or maybe unique) personal philosophy which somehow works for them. None of these things have so far worked for me.

Another problem is that those people who have got something figured out, are usually very reticent to share it in public. One of my Rabbis has some interesting ideas, but even those I can't blog about, because since people know me, they can figure out who he is, and then he gets upset because those ideas are not for public consumption. (In fact I probably shouldn't even have written that last sentence. A Rabbi with interesting ideas? Oy vey! Stone him!)

I suppose could try an insanely private blog, where every member reveals their true identity and is a fully trusted person, but that really stifles innovation.

Clearly, I have spent 4 years now looking for something and I haven't found it. All I've gotten is more and more frustrated. My quest has been an abject failure. Actually, if it was just a failure, that wouldn't be so bad. The negative consequences have been much worse than an abject failure.

The definition of insanity is trying the same exact thing twice while expecting different results, so could be I'm just insane at this point, since this is not just the second time, but probably the fourth or fifth time I've tried this.

I'm all out of ideas. Anyone got anything? If not, maybe I should just give up or ignore religion. Or maybe just give up and ignore modernity. Or maybe just give up and lead a bifurcated life. Or maybe just give up and create a strange and possibly unique philosophy. Or maybe I should just give up or ignore religion. Or maybe just give up and ignore modernity. Or maybe just give up and lead a bifurcated life. Or maybe just give up and create a strange and possibly unique philosophy. Or maybe I should just give up or ignore religion. Or maybe just give up and ignore modernity. Or maybe just give up and lead a bifurcated life. Or maybe just give up and create a strange and possibly unique philosophy. Or maybe I should just give up or ignore religion. Or maybe just give up and ignore modernity. Or maybe just give up and lead a bifurcated life. Or maybe just give up and create a strange and possibly unique philosophy. Or maybe I should just give up or ignore religion. 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[Oops, I see I'm back to writing nonsense out of sheer frustration. Like I said, a complete waste of time.]